her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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