I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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