return my video game
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
