I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
