the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
