My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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