I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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