Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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