He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
