I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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