if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Im part way to drunk.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
