Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
