we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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