My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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