why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
