Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
