i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
