I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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