mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
