He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
