i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
