Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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