I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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