I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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