I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
