just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This toilet bowl is my home.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
