so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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