You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
