I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
