why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Panties = found
Randomize
