Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
