Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
