Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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