why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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