at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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