he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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