He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
