the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
