i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
