So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
