He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
