i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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