Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
