the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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