just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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