Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
