Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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