Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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