so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
