are you so shy because you have an std?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
