dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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